Finntastic! TV: Pilot (Episode One)

Finn, upon return to New Rome, and announcing his very confusing marriage to Charlotte- his very, very, very confusing marriage to Charlotte- figured he needed a job, now that he was married and such. So, he begged the Senate, specifically his buddy, Carter (not really buddy) to let him try to broadcast one show from the place the news was usually broadcasted from. He signed a deal to the TV news program, an internship. If his first episode got good ratings, he'd continue, and maybe start to get paid. If not, this was a waste.

Finn decided to get his buddy (sorta), Emmett, on the first episode. He was essentially going to interview him and pull a few probably disastrous pranks on him for that comical rating boost. He was dressed in a suit, something he never wore before. He hoped this worked out, or else he couldn't afford an apartment with his wife, Charlotte.

What did his life become.

Finn arrived the first day of Finntastic TV, and saw Emmett Virgo.

"Emmett! Pal! You ready for the first episode?"

Emmett had no idea how he was forced in to this. He was cursing Carter inside his mind, thinking about all the ways of killing him. He gently tugged the sleeve of his collared button up shirt, just to calm himself. He glanced at Finn, this funny high looking dude always on go. Finn kind of resembled him, but on the other hand was completely off. At least that was what Emmett Virgo thought.

"I'm never ready." Emmett joked sarcastically, and did those horrible gun-dad-finger movements. 'Pew Pew' he thought inside his narrow childish mind. He fiddled with his hair, a sign of nervousness and stress. He avoided the camera with his eyes, staring at the ground. Emmett looked very out of place, and it was mildly amusing.

"Ah, funny, but that's too bad. Take a seat on that chair over there, the one on the left, yup, that one, in front of the camera. Put on a big smile and wait til we're on air. I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and yeah, let's just be funny. Fun stuff. Lie if you have to, I'm desperate. Bob, where's my donut?"

"My name is Wade, and I'm the camera guy," the guy said.

"Oh, right."

Emmett sat on one of the highly uncomfortable chairs. Low budget, as he had guessed. He let out a sigh, and then put on his signature smile. It made him look natural, like everything was fine. He was being a huge edgelord for the past few minutes. "Lie if I have to, Finn is desperate. Gotcha." Emmett nodded, and repeated after him. "Wait what?" he turned back to the young man. He was going to let it slip anyways.

It was amusing to watch Finn stumble through these tormenting minutes. Wade didn't look that happy about being called Bob.

Finn got in his seat, with a cup of coffee and a doughnut. "Get my sexy side on camera, 110 percent sex appeal, Bob."

Wade put his hand into his surprisingly gun-shaped pocket. "Don't say another word."

"Hahaha, Bob, what a jokester." Finn fixed his hair a bit.

"We're live in 5, 4, 3, 2,...." the director dude-a-ma-dude thing said.

Finn started off the broadcast by quickly twerking than got into his seat. "Hello! Everyone, my name is Finn Reddy, and this is Finntastic TV! Edit in audience sounds later, Bob.":

Wade started breathing heavily and turning red. "We're live," he said.

"Aw, shit, did the broadcast get my twerking too?" Finn said. "Anyway, this is my guest, Emmett Virgo the Third, named after Christopher Columbus. Say hi, Em."

Emmett pondered if he was allowed to strangle a person alive, on live. He quickly fixed his appearance a bit when Bob, or Wade started counting down the seconds to the whatever-is-happening-right-now.

He grabbed the armrests and backed down dramatically when Finn started twerking. He just sat there speechless. When it all ended, Emmett didn't let the shocked face go.

He just side-eyed Finn when the broadcast started and Wade started growing red. What the hell did he get in to.
"I'm not named af- forget it. Hello, my name is Emmett Virgo the FIRST AND GREATEST. Nice to be here." he put on a fake smile, like Finn had told him to do. He waved at the camera, thinking about suicide.

Finn smiled. "So, folks, today we're going to get to know about our friend, Emmett Fort Nox Virgo Junior. So, Emmett, tell us about your magic space cat you found in the bathtub. What did you name it? Can it fly?"

Wade grunted.

"Oh, that's right, we didn't give him the script," Finn said. "Bob, cut."

"WE'RE LIVE!" Wade yelled.

"Oh, shoot, right. Well, time for the explosive chair, Emmett." He pushed a button on a remote, and suddenly, Wade's chair exploded, causing him to lay on the ground, burnt and crying.

"OH SHIT, BOB!" Finn yelled, running over to him. He went to the camera and moved it uncomfortably close to Emmett's face, like smushed against his nose. "Entertain the people, Bob needs ice."

Emmett was sure that this was some kind of a prank. He was a pranklord himself too. "Emmett Alexander Virgo.. Emmett works just wonders." the boy scoffed, and looked again at the camera.

"Yes, I found the cat yesterday. It can fly. I named him Nyan." he kept a straight deadpan face and intensely stared at the cameraman. Well before he got blown up that is.

Emmett fidgeted a bit when Wade's chair exploded. He thanked the gods that it wasn't him in that chair. He just kept his eyes closed when Wade violently cried on the ground. When the camera was pressed against his nose, he pulled it a bit further away, visibly annoyed.

He turned the camera towards the attempts of CPR, or whatever. "Last time on forbidden romance. Finn's and Bob's relationship took a surprising turn." he started doing a voice over. Finn's voice was much higher than Wade's.

Finn looked up at the camera, rolling his eyes, when several medical staff came rushing over. They safely took him away and started medically treating him.

He went over to the camera. "Sorry about that, I just got news that Bob is okay," he said, holding an imaginary earpiece. "Anyway, back to Finntastic TV!"

He turned the camera around, still fairly close to them. "So, Emmett, if you could choose between vanilla pudding and a violent dolphin, which one would you say is more likely to get into Yale?" he asked, reading off of his flashcards.

Emmett grinned happily, keeping the interesting story going on, before the staff and medics left the scenery. He sat back on his seat, regretting after he did so. Emmett was trapped now with only Finn.

"Violent dolphin, definitely. They possess some great knowledge you know? The manliness and toughness is the thing to get you in Yale." he showed a thumbs up to where Wade should have been now.

"But if you think of it, vanilla pudding has some appeal in it, don't you think?" he asked, sounding genuinely interested. In reality, he didn't give two dimes about what he thought. It was just the fastest way out. Emmett was just hoping no one would try to blow up his chair. He checked below his chair quickly, and there was nothing that looked like some cheap explosives.

"If you prank me I will personally kill you in your sleep." he whispered smiling.

"Well, damn, okay," Finn said in a whisper. "There's audio all around us, so it just picked you up saying that. But he was just kidding folks! Well, it's been a solid first episode so far." He got another flashcard. "So, Emmett Johnathon Hammy Virgo the Sixth, explain to me what your family is like. It's viewers demand, they want to know what it's like being a Virgo. Tell me all the deets, like what size pants your sister wears, and how good of friends me and Carter are."

"I know. That's the point." Emmett let everyone know, then turned back at the camera, his smile a bit less genuine than the last time.

"Emmett Alexander Virgo the first and greatest does the trick." he corrected Finn once again, and crossed his legs in a professional manner.

"Uhh, what my family is like? Well I have my parents, you're average Ex-Centurion of the First Cohort mom. And honestly I have no words to describe my dad." Emmett said in one go.

"Then there's grandma, she's like 207 years old, doesn't really like me and she used to spank me a lot." he was traumatized by that one time when he broke in to the downstairs door that was locked and played with mom's old stuff. The result was predictable.

"Then there's Carter who pretty much hates you and me. He's an annoying jerk who only thinks about his own gain. Brings a new lady home everyday and actively sabotages our lives." Emmett smiled and tilted his head. He was getting back at Carter, because it was fun.

"And Sophia, everyone's little favorite. She's fierce and awesome, makes the best pancakes and she's like maybe 4 feet tall. Oh and she whoops Carter's ass in everything." he lied pretty much about everything he told about the Virgo's. That was what Finn told him to do anyways.

"Awesome. Is your sister single?" Finn asked, smiling at the camera. "Joking, joking. I'm married. Please help. Anyway, I'd have to disagree with your views on Carter. He's an amazing friend- back in the day, we played football in Japan together. He was the best friend, but after his father died from a wild Star Wars fan killing him, he retired and moved to camp. Oh wait, shit, I'm thinking about Lacolo the Cholo. Sorry, guys, Lacolo the Cholo and Carter sound similar, so I always mix them up. Anyway, Emmett, next question comes from a fan." Finn got a newsletter from his pocket, which was obviously made my him.

"Hi, I'm Angela from the Fourth Cohort. I think Finn is so strong and sexy and hot and beautiful. Aww, thanks, Angela, I think I'm strong and sexy and hot and beautiful too. I was wondering what size bra your sister wears, not because I have a pervy friend, but because my best friend, uhm, uh, Nnif (Finn backwards), was wondering if she could borrow some sometime. Also, if you have any pictures of your sister in a bikini, send them to FinnReddy@gmail.com, Nnif's email, so she can buy the same bikini. I'm so glad we have genuine fans like this." He said the italicized parts in a feminine voice.